Tears

Mailed blog – written by Julian

07 Feb 11

I held back some and let others seep out.  It was a hard day.  I knew BCT would break me down and build me to an even stronger person.  Today, I neared the very end of my rope.  I am so mentally and physically exhausted.  We haven’t had positive reactions from the drill sergeants in days.  They hate us right now.  A DS is like your parent while you’re here and you want so badly to please them and make them proud of you.  So when they won’t even look at you, that gets to you.

Today started out pretty okay, as we did the confidence course.  Its an obstacle course full of really difficult tasks, like balance beams, ladders, ropes, barbed wire.  It’s tough.  The last task was a series of fire walls, each taller than the last.  In teams of five you had to help each other over the walls.  It was pretty cool how we worked together to figure it out and get it done.  Then, like we always do,  we ruined a good thing and started screwing around.  Our DS got so mad and then our fun time died.  When we got back to the bay we were all so physically exhausted, then we got smoked for an hour for loosing our “military bearing” at the course.  That made us mentally exhausted.  Then we were left in a room alone together for an hour and everyone just got everything off their chest.  It is so hard to work as a team when we are all at our wits end and getting on each other nerves.  Hopefully one of these weeks we can get a solid teamwork down soon.

Back to tears.  The march home from the course was brutal.  We were marching ridiculously fast.  Think of a crazy psycho mall walker and put about 40 pounds of gear on her.  We were trying so hard to keep our lines together but every minute we’d hear “Close that gap, stay in step, march it out.”  We were already giving as fast as we could and if we ran we’d get yelled at for running.  I was furious.  I really had to hold back the angry tears.  But I held on to my “military bearing” and I just kept marching.  I used my anger to push me forward.  My hips and knees were killing me.  Oooh, I was frustrated.  But soldiers don’t cry, at least out in the open.  At least that’s what I’m gonna try to stick to.  I did let the tears come a little tonight though. 

I got mail!  Letters from Mom, Dad , Margaret, and the Beausoleis!  That comforted me so much.  God must’ve known I really needed that support today.  I was fine until I read the note from my pops.  His notes always get me.

Well, I have to get some rest.  Our PT test from Saturday got rescheduled for tomorrow morning.  It should be interesting as we’re all physically drained from today.  Like I said my hips and knees are paining me and I also have a terrible cough.  I hear heavy rain outside and I pray it keeps up long through the morning.  If God could throw some lightening in there, that’ll be even better.

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One Response to Tears

  1. Penny Techlin says:

    …crazy psycho mall walker?!!… sorry Julian, even tho you were crying, we had to laugh at that!!

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